rock song me and my band wrote-what do you think its rather twisted but sounds good?

Question

Under sheets
I see he’s soul as he’s body goes wrong

The air I tasted and breathed
All I thought it was
He knows it to
He gave me he’s bitter smile
All the images that play
Everyday

I take a real walk outside
I see all the laughing with tears in my eyes
Twisted to the stairs spinning until i drop away
A broken mountain of what was a eve thing
a love for man

I know some day we know well survive under the sky
Arms in arms
Two makes two

You are my brother together we cry
Made out of mud
But without joy
We’ll never be in apposition for choice
Weak inside
That’s all so come take me with all power in my eyes

No no no no

They have guns and blood we have power of the naked truth
You are killers we are feelers
Let’s throw you out!
Ore get together and tie ourselves to commitment and work
Drums to the west
Our fist knows what we done
Can we fight to save our joy?

To alone to live without what we lost
And now arrive to make a point
Were on port towards home

Answer 1

its very lyrical and a little confusing. the begining needs rivision but the middle and end it perfect

Answer 2

I can barely read this. Your grammar is so bad, I find it hard to really know what you're talking about. If you're going to post lyrics, you need to make sure the reader isn't going to have a hard time trying reading it.



example:



"I see he’s soul as he’s body goes wrong "

--- The word he's, is a contraction of two words, "he" and "is". By having he's in this sentence, makes no sense at all. The only thing I can think of, is that you mean "his".



The song isn't that twisted. It's pretty straight forward.



The only other problem, is that it doesn't seem to have a very good flow, making it very hard to get a rhythm in my head. It might be hard to sing.

Answer 3

trust me NOT that twisted, if you want twisted look up death dies hard lyrics there not actually thet twisted i just love taling about DEATHSTARS.lol. um i think it's a good song but it might not make it to the top.

Answer 4

Good if you were to be a A celebrity i would SO listen to you

Answer 5

i dont get it